How far is 100 Tears Away?

Let's journey to the end of '100 Tears Away,' but truth to be told I'm not quite sure where the road ends. In the spirit of 'Going Places with Me,' we're not just traveling physically. We're exploring emotions, thoughts, and new discoveries together. Come with me as I wander into the unknown, where my exploration knows no bounds.

In the echoing silence of that moment, his words hung in the air like a heavy mist. "What you desire exists, Ipek! This is something you might have, it is possible. I've had it for a long time. It's just not what I want anymore."

There I was, staring at him at the age of 37, never stepped in the land he already had concurred. Rejection, in its various forms, had become a familiar companion of my life over the years; however, this time, the sting cut deeper. It wasn't the denial itself but the realization that my pursuit, what I thought was my 'Megali Idea', something unattainable or even non-existent actually exists.

I had comfortably rejected settling for anything less than my envisioned dream, convinced it didn't exist so that I didn't even need to seek. The devastating revelation came when I discovered that some had indeed experienced what I considered my 'Megali Idea.'

A gigantic question mark stood over my thoughts, a distraction that disrupted the comforting rhythm of my existence. Let me tell the shit as it is (as Juanma says when talking about me) — I was fucking devastated. The once soft, cloudy ideas I comfortably nestled in transformed into rugged cliffs, challenging my existence. Was I living an illusion all those years whilst others live their Megali Idea?

My heart broke into 100 tears that would be leaking towards the lake inside me, would never come outside as drops. Though this was my most gentle heart break. I will only embrace my heart with tears, romance, fun and laughters till it soothe itself which is soon. Oh girl, I really loved this one!

---

I could't help but recall a moment!

I will eventually take you to the moment but let me set the scene first.

In the early chapters of my university journey, at the tender age of 17, I was immersed in a world filled with excitement and the promise of unexplored adventures. Each day was a canvas waiting to be painted with the hues of growth and self-actualization. In those years, the contours of my character were beginning to take shape. I was decisive, strong opinionated, and fueled by an insatiable hunger for progress. Yet, among being hard on the outside, I've also been emotionally charged, fragile, occasionally absent-minded, and delightfully silly at times. That's just how I roll!

I was in a TV room of the university dormitory. The room was covered in darkness, except for the glow of the television that played the last 5 min scene of legendary Ally Mcbeal Show. I can't recall the details of the scene I was at the time but what stuck with me was the song playing in the background.

The song's lyrics touched my 17-year-old heart in a way that still puzzles me. Was it about the thrill of starting a journey into the unknown? Or the intense fear of future pain? Maybe it held a hopeful message that happiness is achievable, even if it comes with a price. The reasons linger, wrapped in the memory of that moment in the TV room.

Go ahead and cry now

Just give in to the madness

The only way to feel your joy

Is to first feel the sadness

Go ahead and sail now

Just give in to the ocean

The only way to tame your fear

Is to feel her rocky motion

You're a long way from somewhere you call home

There's a place in your heart, you're not alone

All of the happiness you seek

All of the joy for which you pray

Is closer than you think

It's just 100 tears away

Whatever it is that'll make you feel good

You can have if you want, if you knew that you could

You can have it all baby

Now here I'm after 20 years and wondering

All those luggages I carried, moved in and out with all my power and a strong determination

All those reckless people who I let make love with my body and my eyes

All those cold empty flats with my clothes on the floor waiting to cover my sour body

All those unfair games

All those excitement, effort, belief, innocence, disappointment

All those miles with empty pockets

Is it yet 100 Tears Away?